Why Is It So Hard To Make Plans?
And why do I feel guilty about it?
#Relatable post alert. At least I hope it’s relatable and not just a me problem. It’s impossible to make plans with people. And I constantly feel guilty that I’m not hanging out with my friends often enough. But this is just silly.
The Problem
Let’s think about it for a second. We have 52 weekends a year. Because let’s be real, when you’re an adult with a job and you don’t live in a big city, who’s going out all that often during the week, let alone with someone outside your household?
So that’s 52 chances to maybe see a friend. 7 of those are probably holiday weekends reserved for family gatherings or vacations. Probably half of them you don’t feel like traveling. I mean, who wants to constantly not be at your place that you pay rent to live in? So we are left with maybe 22 non-holiday, willing-to-travel weekends.
Unless you hate your family, maybe half of those are visiting your parents or your significant other’s parents. So now we’re down to 11 socializing non-family weekends. Hopefully those weekends match up with your friends’ calendars, otherwise you’re out of luck.
So you can see how making plans can be a tall task with 11 chances and probably more than 11 people you’d like to see more than once a year in a perfect world.
So my first point is don’t feel bad about not seeing people enough. I think we’re all doing our best. Being stuck at home for the better part of a year didn’t help either.
The second part will be what to do about it.
A Solution
For me, the biggest burden in making plans is trying to find something that I think my friends would be interested in doing. My suggestion: just throw it out there and let your friends come to you if they’re free and interested. We’re all a lot more free than we realize or care to admit. So from now on, when you are going on a run, or going out to dinner, or going into the city, just shoot a text to some friends and let them know your plans. If they’re free and interested, maybe they’ll join you and it’ll enhance the experience. If not, no big deal.
It also takes care of another issue with making plans: setting expectations. When you try to make plans with a friend, there’s a challenge in figuring out what the other person does or doesn’t want to do. Everyone’s “down for whatever” or “flexible”, but that doesn’t help when trying to pick an activity to do or a place to eat. By telling your friends what you’re doing ahead of time and allowing them to opt-in with no pressure to join, you can be sure that your friend wants to do what you’re doing, so you’re sure to have a good time.